This is probably going to be my last entry in this Livejournal. Or at least my last acting-related post. I want to keep an "acting-only" blog and want to start fresh. I don't know, maybe I'll still post some stuff here, and I may move some of these posts over to the new blog, who knows. But for now I'll wrap it up with a few things I never got around to posting. I'm not even going to do a 2008 wrap-up because I want to save it for the new blog.

I never got around to posting about Diary. I wanted to keep a day by day update like I did last time but didn't do it. So I'll just do a general post.

Overall I did enjoy the experience again. It was different than the other show - not quite as much movement. I remember when I did the show last year I was crawling on the floor, running around, etc. This time it almost seemed like Diary lite. It was interesting to see what stayed the same, the similarities and differences between the two casts, some of the direction was the exact same wording as last time.

The weird thing was I felt like I had a much harder time re-learning the show than learning it the first time. Weird. It was really interesting getting to play a different part this time. 7's monologue is much more involved and harder than 5's. I felt like I had a hard time with it. Oh well, I'm sure I was much harder on myself than it really was and it all came together by the show. I just felt like I could've used a few more rehearsals, but we don't get that luxury.

I enjoyed working with the girls, but felt like we never bonded as a cast and everyone was just into their own monologes and the show was kind of disconnected when we should all be one. I wasn't the only one who felt this way and by the time some of us discussed it, it was our last show. Oh well.

Another interesting thing was that this time I could see much "deeper" into the meaning of the show and how all the monologues connected. If I ever went back and played 5 again I think I would bring so much more to it because I seemed to understand all the characters so much more.

I had a grand total of 2 people come to see me this time. A friend of mine and her brother. She had the same reaction I did to the show - it seemed like a fun show, and everyone's talent showed, but it was disturbing. Wow. I almost said those exact words after I saw the show for the first time. Interesting.

So overall, I had a blast, but this time just didn't feel as "magical" as the first time. And as much as I loved this cast and a few of them were PHENOMINAL, I felt more connected to my first cast - we bonded so much more and I'm still sort of in touch with a few of them. But I absolutely love this show and wouldn't have changed this experience. I'm so glad I got to do it again. And we were at the first theater I did the show in which made me happy.

When the extended run of the show ended the first time I did it, I knew I'd get to do this show again. I just KNEW it. And here's the weird thing - I said to myself, "it's gonna be hot when I do this show again." I assumed that meant it would be in the summer. Well, summer came and went and by that time I'd kind of forgotten about it until I got cast in the October/November show. But here's the thing - it was freaking HOT during the two weeks of rehearsal and the run of the show - even hot for October/November, like summertime hot. Like I knew months before I did the show. The same way the first time I did the show when we ended the first run I knew it wasn't over then we got extended. Weird! After this show ended I had this feeling - the next time I do the show it will be dark. I'm seeing dark for some reason. Maybe it will be a late-night show - our show was at 4 on Sundays and I wasn't crazy about doing a show mid-afternoon. This should be a late-night show.

And I will do the show again. I know I will. Which is probably the reason why I wasn't sad when it ended this time...well, okay, a little sad...

Okay, I think that's all I wanted to post here. Now that I think about it, I'm probably not abandoning this journal completely, so if I remember something I'll post it.

I was planning on writing posts everyday about Diary but never did. I was then planning on writing one big long post about Diary but never did. I still want to post about it for my own benfit and have something 1/2 written so as soon as I finish I'll post it.

This past few weeks have been very, very productive. I go practically the whole year doing nothing then suddenly the last 3 weeks before Christmas get super busy. I was going to get into how productive 2008 has been for me but will save it for another post.

Back in November my auditions seemed to pick up. Sadly, most of these I was finding on Craigslist. I thought I was through with that Craigslist crap but went back to it because I wan't getting any auditions from anywhere. Ah, the same old catch 22 - do I audition for crappy stuff just to audition or not bother? On one hand I feel like I do better when I audition more, but on the other hand I get very frustrated when I feel I've wasted my time. Hmmm. Anyway, I have become more picky about what I do submit to, especially on Craigslist. One sounded interesting, and the other one sounded easy and fun and PAID. Not a lot, but it would be easy, easy money. So, I found out I booked the paying gig! I wasn't too surprised because they said in the casting notice they needed a lot of people and it's for a comedy website thing.

Then the week after Thanksgiving I find out about an audition for a student project that pays and I'm guaranteed a copy. It's one of those directed scenes for a class, and the scene is from a movie, not something original. Normally I wouldn't even waste my time with this because I can't use it for my reel, but it PAYS. I'm given several scenes to choose from. Luckilly the one I'm right for is also the least known scene, and the situation is somewhat "generic." The audition goes really really well. Two days later they call me asking me to come to the callback. They switched the callback date and now it conflicts with something important, but they say they have me on tape if I absolutely can't make it. Hmmm, in the end I decide to go to the callback and go late to the other thing. The call back is weird. We got paired up with other actors instead of readers which was nice, but my partner was a little odd...oh well. Then it was a different instructor running the audition. I did it like I did at the first audition and they gave me completely different direction than what I got at the original audition. The woman seemed a little, uh, off? Couldn't quite put my finger on it. I felt okay about the callback but thought I did better at the original audition. Oh, and it ran late so I was late getting to my other wicked important thing. Oh well.

That was Saturday and wasn't sure when I'd hear from them. On one hand the extra money would be nice, but on the other hand it shoots on the two worst possible days of the week for me because I actually have to re-arrange stuff at work. Ugh. It shoot the Thursday after the audition so by Tuesday I assume I haven't booked it.

Monday night we had a casting director come to class. It was what it was. Not my worst performance but definitely not my best. Oh well. The cult Xmas party was the same night and even though it was nearby I didn't go because I'd only be able to go for the last hour or so and didn't feel like paying for a ticket, finding parking or paying for valet, then paying for a drink - all that could well add up to $30-$40 easily all for an hour party.

Wednesday was busy. I went to something at the cult, which I hadn't done for ages and actually found it really helpful. While I'm there I check my phone and there's a message but I can't really check it until after the thing is over. I have a susupicion what the message is. Afterwards I check my messages and I'm right - I booked the student project...which shoots the next day...during a time when I have to be at work. Ugh! The woman left the shoot dates/times on my voicemail but it was confusing...I'm not worried about the shoot time the following week, but I'm not sure of the time the next day and I need to figure out what to do about work, so I call back and leave a message saying I'm confused. Then the student who's directing the piece calls me and gives me some info and says he'll call me back later with more info. I do find out the shoot times from him, but he sounds unsure. Ugh. I go home and stress about what to do about work. I e-mail someone a "vague" e-mail lying and saying and appointment got changed and I can't get there until 12:30. Somehow I'll make this work.

I have to go back to the cult for networking group later that afternoon. This post was SUPPOSED to be about networking group but I got off on a tangent so I'll put that in another one. I also need to try to get to my work before someone leaves so I can talk to them about tomorrow. We have a sub running networking group which makes me happy (I've become a little annoyed with the person who runs the group so I was glad to see a sub that I know). I have to leave early so I can try to stop by my work and try to catch someone. Of course, this turns out to be the BEST networking group of the year! It was ALL females, which was interesting. I think the cult event I went to earlier motivated me, but for the first time this year I felt good about networking group. Or maybe because I felt like I actually had stuff to share. I felt good about what I had done and what my goals are for next month. With the exception of one or two people no one really annoyed me, and I felt like I had stuff to contribute. But I had to leave early.

I get to work and the person I need to see isn't even there, grrr. But I check my e-mail and I got a response from the person who I needed to talk to and don't have a problem with the schedule change, whew! Later the director calls me with all the info I need and I need to be there at 7:45am, ugh.

So Thursday was the first day of shooting. I'll save it for another post after I finish the second day of shooting tomorrow.

Thursday night I had to learn my stuff for the shoot on Friday. It's just telling a bunch of jokes that will be put on a new website. They e-mailed me the jokes. Three pages of them and some of them are LONG story-like jokes! I started learning them on Tuesday but when I found out I booked the student gig I had to learn that on Wednesday. So there I was Thursday night learning jokes. Luckilly they weren't that hard to learn.

The shoot on Friday was really fun. Really, really fun. I didn't have to get the jokes word for word, the people were really cool, and they gave me some direction. The whole thing took about 45 minutes and the worst part was the traffic on the way home. Oh, and the little mix-up with my check - they had pre-made out everyone's check and put it under my stage name. I just assumed because they had e-mailed me and I-9 and had me fill it out I'd tell them at the shoot all my correct info is on the I-9. I used to tell people ahead of time and they'd say just put your real name on the paperwork. But they wanted to pay people right away so pre-did the checks. I'm not sure if the bank will cash or deposit a check with my other name on it. The woman says it's not a problem and they can re-do the check and mail it but it won't be until Thursday. Oh well, what can I do. I didn't tell them ahead of time. From now on I'll always mention it. I just hope the check shows up before I leave for Christmas.

So that was last week. I have one more day of shooting the student project tomorrow, and I'm hoping I get paid when it's finished. They said the actors would get paid after the 2nd shoot day was complete (paying them was a way to guarantee they'd show up both days) so I'm hoping they give us the money then.

So that's it. December has been busy busy! I'm so glad I'm not leaving town until the 22nd. Now I have to go try to mail Christmas presents home because I don't want to pay for a second suitcase on the plane.

My poor poor neglected livejournal. So many times I've tried to start entries but give up. I originally started this to track my acting work but other things crept in and now I haven't updated it in months.

All I have to say is when it rains it pours.

For months and months thinks were sloooow for me, I mean sloooower than slow. Then all of a sudden they picked up. In the last month here's what's happened...the good and the bad of it.

Found out my paying radio station gig is still gonna happen...things just got pushed back

Had an audition for a paying gig that went somewhat well but don't think I booked it and the people were a little unorganized anyway

Booked real legitimate PAYING gig on a real legitimate cable show...hauled ass to West LA to meet with the peeps, was told it shot the following Monday and someone would contact me the next day with all the details. No one ever contacted me so I didn't go because I didn't know the exact location or the call time...hope I wasn't supposed to go and they forgot to call me...nah, I didn't get a call on the shoot date saying "where are you." I have a feeling the thing I was supposed to shoot got cut or postponed because they told me they were still working out some of the details. Still, it's odd...and I would've loved the money - pays about twice what I would make at a day at my day job.

Got cast in a film that keeps getting postponed...I have now blocked out TWO Saturdays for this only to have them cancel...at this point I'm seriously thinking of saying I can't do it - the premise is cute, but the script is horribly written and makes no sense. And stuff is HANDWRITTEN in! Jeez. I also have no idea if what they gave me is the ENTIRE script or just my scenes. And the guy says he's maybe writing more for me... But it pays a small amount. But is it really worth it?

Signed up for a volunteer program thing where I get to work with a REAL TV director! Okay, if you volunteer to do something good but have selfish motives behind it, does that cancel out the good? I can't help it, it's another chance to be seen by an industry person who has ALREADY seen my work and I've now met three times and they would be seeing my work AGAIN by doing this. I'd be foolish NOT to do this. It's all about the networking.

I had an audition yesterday for something I really, really wanted to book. They e-mailed me about it on Thursday. It's for an internet thing which could be very funny. The shooting schedule would cause problems at work but I think I could work around it with little difficulty. I watched the trailer and it was funny, looked very professional, and there was a name person in it. I was really looking forward to the audition.

Then yesterday morning I got an e-mail that changed everything...

I have the chance to do Diary again.

OMG...I have been secretly hoping for this for months...and one of the roles I want to play is available. But, it's going to be a major hassle to rearrange my work schedule. Not impossible but I have to lie about some stuff. I KNEW this would happen - if I got asked to do the show again it would be NOW, not the best time. But it's all good. It's doable. I e-mail the director back saying I want to do it. But it conflicts with the internet project so I contemplate not going to the audition. But I decide to go.

And the audition goes GREAT. Ugh! The people were cool, the script was funny, I totally nailed the character with NO preparation time - basically they gave me the script and said, okay, here's the character and the premise. Whenever you're ready go. They gave me direction and I took it.

Then they ask me about availability. I had contemplated whether to just say I'm available or tell the truth. Diary rehearsals are only 2 hours but they're every day for 2 weeks and you can't really miss one or two. This internet thing shoots 2 days a week all day for the next month. I decide to tell the truth because they may be able to work around my schedule, or things get postponed, etc. I say look, I just found out this morning I might be doing a play and it rehearses from 11am-1pm for the next two weeks, but I haven't gotten the final confirmation from the director yet so I don't know, he could've given the role to someone else. They were cool about it and said, okay we'll play it by ear. I'd really LOVE to do this if I could...

But did I just talk myself out of getting a part? Hmm, that's a hard one. I think I did the right thing. Who knows what the schedule is like and what they can work around. I think with when actors do stuff for FREE they should be more accomodating to their schedules.

Later that day I got an e-mail from the Diary director saying I can play the part I want to play, yay!!!

So I'm doing Diary again. And we'll have to see about the internet thing. I'm putting the horse before the cart - I probably didn't even get the part to begin with, even though I really, really wanted it.

Did I make the right decision? At first I felt like the girl who gives up an awesome trip somewhere or a chance to move somewhere just to stay home with her boyfriend. But then I thought no, that's not it.

I was choosing the sure thing over a gamble. I had to let the Diary director know ASAP and if I waited around to hear about the internet thing, which I hadn't even AUDITIONED for yet the part I wanted to play, and possibly all the available parts would be gone. And I probably wouldn't be cast in the internet thing and then I'd be out of luck. I know what I'm getting into with Diary. I WANTED to do it again. And the director ASKED me if I wanted to do it again - which is always nice! They'll be other film projects. I might not get the chance to do Diary again. If I said no, it would always be in the back of my mind that I wished I had done it. I've kind of forgotten about the internet thing by now. So yeah, I think I made the right choice. Actually, there is no choice, lol, I didn't hear from the internet people so there was nothing to say no too, lol.

Am I taking a step backwards doing Diary again? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't think so. I'm just as excited about doing it this time as I was the first time. And I cried when I got the e-mail. More out of stress than anything because I KNEW if I got to do the show again it would be now - when I'm already stressed out about stuff. But I think this is exactly what I needed right now...

So yeah I'M DOING DIARY AGAIN! I GOT WHAT I WANTED AGAIN! Rehearsals start tomorrow. I can't wait to meet the rest of the girls. And it's at the original theater we did it at. Deja Vu. Good Times!

Okay, I have to go learn my monologue - I have one of the longer ones this time, possibly the longest one. And one of the hardest ones emotionally. I've seen it so many times and thought, oh, I know what I'd do with it, but I started working on it last night and I'm like, damn, this is hard. The only good thing is it's in the 2nd half of the show so we won't get to it in rehearsal until at least Wednesday. And I have very few lines in the rest of the show. I am a little worried about one thing. I know the entire middle section by heart - the fast paced section after 4's monologue and before 8s. I can say it by heart, but need to figure out which lines I'm actually SUPPOSED to be saying, lol! I hope I don't accidentally say 5's lines! I also remember most of the blocking from the other show. I hope I don't get confused! I think once we rehearse I'll be fine...

I'm doing Diary again! I can't wait!!!!!!

Last night I got a call from the production company and/or distribution complany of an indie film I did last year. My caller ID said unknown and I answered and this woman asks for me and says something along the lines of "This is so and so from such and such Pictures and I'm calling about our premiere on Saturday." Okay, first of all, I did this film over a year ago, and have had no other contact with these people except for in January when I finally got paid. And the production company name on the check wasn't the same as what this woman said - the only reason I knew who it was is because I've been IMDBing the film every so often to check it's status and also found the production company website. The woman then says something like "A lot of people never got the e-mail so I'm just taking a final head count of who's going." I was like "Uh, I never got the e-mail." The woman said something like "oh..." and sounded annoyed, not at me, but at the fact that there was some communication error. Then for a split second I contemplated asking for the premiere info but instead say "oh, I won't be able to make it." She said "oh, you can't go anyway." I say something along the lines of "no, not at this point," or "not with this short of notice" and thank her and we say goodbye.

Yeah, I should probably go to this. Unless I got cut, I'm in the film, and have a chunk of lines in once scene with one of the main characters. There's also some "known" actors in this film and they might be there. And it could be a possible networking opportunity. But to be completely honest, I don't want to go because the whole thing was a horrible experience. I probably posted about it when it happened but I don't feel like looking for the post. This is probabaly one of the worst experiences I've had as an actor. I can only think of one other experience that was more horrifying. This experience made the sudent film I shot in a frat house at USC the day after they had a big party look like a walk in the park (actually that film was a great experience but I have NO desire to set foot in a frat house ever again). But, I should mention that this was a paying gig...and I had lines.

I'm not going to go into the details but the general run of events was: Miscommuication from the start, horrible script, no one able to verify the SAG status, telling people they were being booked as a principal when they were really background (one girl called SAG then left), being called an extra by the director even though I technically wasn't, nobody except for the other actors realizing that I'm really not old enough to play a character who's been married for 20 years (I'm hoping they came to their senses and this ended up on the cutting room floor), sitting on concrete in the sun while the crew tried to figure out what they were doing, the stedicam operator hitting an actor in the head with the steadycam, after 8 hours or so they only have one wide shot and have to stop becaue we're losing light, finding out late the next day that we're reshooting the next day, go for 12 hours the next day, bathrooms break down and they can't fix them, SAG people couldn't get copies of their paperwork, didn't get paid until Jan. or Feb. of this year, had to drive to west valley to get check because don't trust them to mail it, get a call a few days later saying a batch of checks went out unsigned so if there's a problem I have to go get another check (luckilly mine deposited okay), and now this whole premiere thing.

Yeah, so I have no desire to go to the premiere. It's not like I got to know people on the shoot, well, except for the other actors in my scene we were there so long, and the director barely said two words to me. There were a couple of nice crew people - like the dude who let me use one of the bathrooms in the trailer. The only cool part was I got to go to wardrobe, and there was craft service.

The only redeeming thing is that this could be a "legitimate" credit. The last few films the producer did went straight to DVD, and there's a few "name" actors in it. So hopefully I can get a copy somehow, even though I don't really know if I want to put it on my reel!

Today I had an audtion and I think a woman who was also in the movie was there. I didn't realize this until too late and didn't get a chance to talk to her - it was a big clusterfuck of unorganization and was more worried about getting sides than talking to people.

Today I thought I overheard a conversation at work - not 100% I heard the accurate info, but if I did then I have one thing to say KARMA!

Karma, Karma, Karma. In the end it always wins.

Yeah, I know it's not right to enjoy others misfortunes - probably even makes it worse that I sent some bad vibes this person's way. But no, you know what, they brought this on themselves, I'm not the bad one here.

I soooo want to post all the juicy details about this but can't right now because I don't know if I have accurate info. And it'll make a MUCH better story if I do have the correct info.

To top it all off something REALLY GOOD happened to me this weekend. I want to post about this but can't because I'm still waiting to hear the outcome and don't want to jinx it...

Once again, Karma is on my side...or maybe it's not Karma. I brought this on myself, I got off my butt, took a slight risk, and did something this weekend that hopefully will pay off...

I put myself into a very dangerous mindset this year. I've basically ignored the business side of acting. For most of 2006-2007 I worked my ass off with the business side of things - I'd go to the professional organization, I'd haul ass to Santa Monica numerous times to go to networking group, I set goals, I made lists, I sent postcards, etc. etc. etc. Did I see results? Yes and no. I saw results, but not from any of the work I did. The biggest auditions I had last year were things I found on the online casting websites. The biggest job I booked was something I found out about in an e-mail from the professional organization. I spend hours on my business stuff and it comes down to a whole whopping five minutes of my time to submit for these things. There was the ususal auditions for student films and smaller stuff. Then I made my short film, and that kind of kept my momentum going. Suddenly I had something going on to promote and talk about.

Then I started a new acting class and realized my craft was suffering. I cut back on the business stuff - became more picky about what events I went to, only sent postcards to people I've actually met because it seemed a waste to send them to someone who doesn't know me, realized there were a few things I needed to accomplish first before attepmting some of my bigger goals.

Then I got cast in Diary. It was PURELY self-indugent! Yes, it's a wonderful play and I was doing it because I WANTED to. Wasn't gonna worry about the business side of stuff while doing this - I was in that play to ACT.

Then it was the holidays and Diary got extended. I put myself in a midframe of "I just need to act." I even said that out loud to someone - right now I just need to act. Yeah, that's a good midframe, but not when you totally ignore the business side of things. The thing is, I didn't notice a difference. I got cast in a project being produced by a working sitcom director, I went to an audition for a commericial that I now see playing ALL the time, I booked a paying gig off a headshot I sent out over a year ago, and I got paid for a job I did last year that I NEVER thought I'd be paid for. And I was still going on auditions for smaller and student films. So, I was like, why should I waste all my time doing all this crap when I get the same results in the end? I was still doing stuff, but was unmotivated and just going through the motions.

Well, now I sort of regret it. I'm motivated again. Now I have to re-do all my lists, etc. Start from scratch. Well, not that bad, but close. I have no idea who or what is on my target list or if any of them are still around, have a stack of postcards I ordered that I never did anything with, and haven't gone to anything at the professional organization (besides my smaller group) since DECEMBER! And as for my film? Well, for some reason Final Cut Pro won't open so I can't even make a copy to upload to the 'net anywhere, let alone burn a copy. I have a hunch of what's wrong with it but have been too lazy to try to fix it, also out of fear I'll do more damage...

Another part of this whole thing was a went through a phase where I felt I had done EVERYTHING wrong up until this point.

At least I know where I stand. And at least this time I know how to do things a little differently. Hopefully this time I can balance the business and craft a little better. I'm still in sitcom class, just finished great commercial class that was eye-opening, got a great idea for putting a demo reel together which might make even some of my unusuable footge usable and I can put a reel together FINALLY, I'm signed up for CD and Agent workshops, and tonight I'm going to the professional organization. Still a lot of stuff I NEED to do, but it's a start...

Okay, now I feel completely overwhelmed with everything I need to get done!

A part of me wonders, what if I had kept up the business stuff? Would I be further along? Or would I be sitting here saying, all this work for nothing? Who knows...

When it rains it pours. Don't know if that's really the expression I'm looking for but close enough. This scenario has happened before, and I'm sure it'll happen again.

I don't really keep in contact with a lot of people I went to college with. I have maybe less than 5 people I'm in touch with on a regular basis, a handful that I wouldn't consider people I am in touch with but happen to run into here and there at various gatherings or hear about them through friends, a few that don't live in LA so it's more of an e-mail, myspace, facebook type relationship, and a few that know me more as an actor and run into at industry things every so often. Then there's always the inevitable ones I run into who are people I either didn't know in college or weren't there when I was there, but they don't really count.

It seems as soon as I see one person who went to my college they come crawling out of the woodwork! This happened awhile ago and it just happened again. I went to not one but two gatherings this weekend that involved people I went to college with! The first one was people I'm in contact with and people I see here and there at various gatherings. The second one was people who I'm in contact with and people who I have not seen in a very, very, very, very long time. One of them asked my how my stand-up was going - yeah, it's been THAT long!

Anyway, one of the people was telling me about some theater group or something they belong to and how they do a lot of either staged readings or short plays (can't remember which) and would put me on the e-mail list if they're looking for actors. Cool. Well, today I get an e-mail from this person asking me if I want to play a role in their next play/reading. Cool! I don't know all the details yet, but I know it's at a legitimate stage at a theater that other people I know have performed at. Not sure if it's a play or a staged reading - I thought it was a staged reading, but the e-mail made it sound like it was more of a performance...hmm, I'll have to see.

Then today I'm reading through the casting notices on one of the online services I subscribe to and recognize a name on one of them. Then I realize I recognize three names on there - all people I went to college with. One of them is someone who I knew while I was there and would happen to run into a few times seveal years ago at audtions, shows, industry things, etc. Then one name I recognized as someone I have not seen since I graduated. I think I may have been in a class or two with them, and I think they were part of a small group of friends who I have pretty much lost touch with after graduation. The third name is someone who I don't know personally, but I think they knew a few people I was friends with. I may be confusing them with someone else - hell, maybe this person even go to my college! This person may have some connections. But I think the last time I even heard this person's name was in the mid-90s. Anyway, the casting notice said they were looking for comedy people who specifically have done improv. One of these people knows I did a bunch of comedy stuff - they've even seen me peform. I've even been in a couple of shows with them and did a spec pilot with them years ago. I'd be stupid not to submit on this, lol. There's a space on the submission where you can write a note to the CD - I need to write, hey, you know me. I also need to write that I changed my name - yeah, it's been that long. The problem - they only let you write 30 characters! Not even 30 words, 30 characters - including spaces! Yikes, maybe I should mail my submission in...

Anyway, this got me thinking about something else, but I'll save it for next time.

To be continued...

Yesterday I worked on a student film at UCLA. This is the first time I've done one for UCLA. Man, that campus is HUGE! Not just the campus itself, but the buildings. They're these MASSIVE old buildings. USC's campus is huge, but for some reason the buildings don't seem as big to me. I had to park in a parking structure at one end of the campus, than walk over to the building we were shooting in. On the map it didn't look far, but man, what a walk! And the library wasn't even on the other side of campus-it was barely in the middle. I'm always amazed how big these schools are - like mini-cities. Maybe because I went to a small school that didn't have a real campus it just really amazes me, even though the school I went to was spread out all over the city and in a way bigger than USC or UCLA.

The shoot wasn't all that bad. (okay - a bulldog just walked into my office - I'm serious! a woman in another office has a bulldog and brings it over to say hi sometimes, lol) It was indoors, there were snacks, they fed us dinner, my call time was early afternoon, there was a hair and make-up person so I didn't have to worry about any of that stuff (I LOVE getting my hair and make-up done!), we were done by 9:30 or so. But man, it felt LOOOONG! I think they said they had 7 shots to do that day and I was only in 4 of them. I also think my part got cut down a bit - I swear there was another scene I was in when I read the original script at the audition. Probably something to do with time constraints or location problems or whatnot. It was only a two page script but it's wall to wall action - not like 2 people sitting at a table talking. I also now understand why actors have stand ins. It took forever to set up one shot - they had to keep moving the lights, setting a prop, trying a special effect, testing the camera movement, etc. And I was pretty much stuck in one spot. I did get to see a little on the monitor while we were filming. They shot in HD and it looked good, so maybe I'll get some decent footage out of it. Overall it wasn't a bad experience.

Today I'm exhausted! There's NO reason for this. I spent the majority of yesterday just sitting in a chair reading! There's no excuse for this. Why am I so drained everytime I film something? And I didn't even work this hard on this one! The last student project I did was take after take after take of wall to wall dialogue and something that should've taken 2 hours took 5 and I wasn't nearly as exhausted...someone at work is sick so I hope I'm not coming down with something AGAIN!

Sometimes this really worries me - being so drained after a shoot. What if I was cast in something that shot for weeks and weeks and weeks? Or was on a TV show? Do I have enough stamina to do that? A couple of years ago I shot a few student projects that I had to be there 2-3 days for. It was always tough going back that second or third day. But then again, if I was at that point where I was filming all the time, I hopefully wouldn't have a day job, and wouldn't have to deal with that...

I've heard people say stage actors are the real actors - going to weeks of rehearsals and then performances 5 nights a week. I'm more drained when I film something! I remember during summers home from college, and that short period where I lived at home after college I did community theater. Most of these were musicals and had a demanding rehearsal schedule - 6-10pm M-Thurs, then a hell week where we'd do tech and dress rehearsal. With the exception of one or two times during that hell week, I never felt drained. I remember a few shows I did where I'd get up and drive 45 min. to work to get there at 9am, work until 6 then drive 45 min. to rehearsal and eat dinner in my car while I was driving, rehearse 6-10pm, go out for drinks afterwards, then go home and do it all over again - 3-4 nights a week! I really wish I had that kind of energy now...

I'm having an information overload - too much information given to me in the past week to digest it all.

I went to the book signing thingy last week. Was going to write a whole thing about it but don't feel like it. It was fun. I ran into a bunch of people I haven't seen for awhile - some I know from the school and some I know from other places. Saw someone I was in a show with a few years ago who's in the advanced class. I always thought this person wasn't the greatest actor, so I'm like, damn, if THEY'RE in the advanced class I should be in it someday. I realize this is a dangerous way of thinking that reminds me of a horrible horrible incident that happened about 6 years ago (Yikes! It was THAT long ago?). But I know I'm nowhere being close to being in the advanced class and I don't think I've even even been taking class long enough, or the right pre-requisite classes to be considered for it, so it's not like I'm upset about it or anything. It's just knowing that that person is in the advanced class, and actually some other people I know are in it, gives me hope.

Realized I was in a class once before with a person who comes to my current class sometimes. We HATED the other class and the teacher so we trash-talked for awhile. The funny thing was every time someone asked us who we were talking about and we said the name they were like, "Oh, I hate them." lol. We have no idea how this person keeps working because almost every single person I've mentioned this person's name to, or have taken their class, HATES this person. I've heard some horror stories that make my experience seem very very mild. And no, this is not connected to the horrible horrible incident that happened six years ago - totally different thing.

Also saw someone who I had just seen the previous week. They're a nice person but somewhat annoying - basically they pulled me away from my trash talking conversation for a dumb reason.

So I had some wine, hung out, didn't win a prize but that's okay. It was a fun night.

Spent the next week reading the book. Wow, it was a LOT to take in.

Then last night I started a commercial class. Wow, more information overload. Learned more about commercials in one class than I think I've learned my whole acting career.

Between the book and the class I feel like I've done so many things wrong. I feel like I've just been completely broken down and have to start from scratch. A lot of it has to do with type. There we go with the type thing again. It's almost like re-inventing myself. I'm overwhelmed, but don't feel bad about everything. because in the long run I know I'll be better off. I know where I need to start and go from there.

Sunday I'm shooting a student film. Right now I wish I wasn't, but I know once I go over the script again and get there it'll be fun.

Tonight I Googled myself and found out I'm on YouTube, lol. It was a project I did earlier this year. People actually commented on it - not about me specifically but about the project - mostly good stuff. Kinda cool, but kinda freaky...

So the other night I went to my class which was a special class this week - the person who runs the school wrote a book so talked to us about the book, then a manager talked to us, then we had a little Q&A session. I felt like I was in a talk show audience listening to some motivational speaker or something. A lot of it had to do with how to succeed and fail in Hollywood. A lot of it I had heard before, but some of it was hard to hear again. It ranged from, oh, okay, yeah, I know that to oh my god, I do that, I'm never gonna succeed in this business...

I guess the book goes into it a lot more but some of the stuff that was brought up was type. Ah, yes, here we go with the whole type thing again. In my other post I wrote how I think I've finally figured out my type, but now I'm not so sure. Another interesting thing that was brought up was jobs, as in jobs other than acting. Yes, get a survival job, get two if you need to, but...if you have a job that's another career it's very very hard to succeed as an actor. Wow. That was really interesting to hear.

I don't know if I feel better or worse after going to that. I'm almost scared to read the book.

So tomorrow there's this party for the book release that I'm going to go to. There's free wine at the party. Okay, I know I'm gonna have to pay full price for the book, but if I pre-order it on Amazon.com it's $7 less...oh wait, that probably doesn't include shipping so in the end it'll even out. But, if I buy a copy of the book I get a raffle ticket to win some really, really, really awesome prizes. Some of them have a decent monetary value, but there's a couple that you can't put a price on. I can't even begin to explain how awesome some of these prizes are.

I was supposed to go to something at the cult tomorrow night then try to go to the party, but I think I'm gonna cancel the cult thing and just go to the party - I'm scared the cult thing will go late and I'll get to the party too late to enter the raffle. I'm sure when I don't win I'll be like, damn, I should've went to the cult...